Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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