i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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