im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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