I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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