O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
