I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
