He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my poor anus
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
