she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just google imaged poop.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
