So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
