Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
