Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
