I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
