Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
