Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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