Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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