i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Say something about gay babies.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
