I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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