i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish you could order shots online.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
