Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
