bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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