So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
