I just pynch a tree in the face
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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