I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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