I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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