Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
