im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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