I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
