Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
