This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
