Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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