those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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