I want to have your abortion
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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