I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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