How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
