these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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