I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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