so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Less talking, more tequila
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
