I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
