babies were throwing up all over the place
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
