you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my liver is dry heaving
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
