He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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