Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
