Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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