evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
