Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
