I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
