So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
