6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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