Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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