smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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