Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
