I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
