Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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