Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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